


A boy named Sue

by Kiki_dragon_age



Series: Flynn Shepard [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, No Shepard without Vakarian, Shakarian - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-19 00:00:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9408443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiki_dragon_age/pseuds/Kiki_dragon_age
Summary: Drunken Shepard hooks up with Garrus, tries to cover it up and that leads to many shenanigans. I love angst but I can't write it because it makes me sad. I tried to be funny. The title comes from J.Cash's song cause my Shepard has a boy's name and she tried to act like one because of daddy issues.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta, I would love to find a beta. I am not an English native speaker so any help or comments more than welcome.

Shepard tried to open her eyes but everything hurts. For an instant fear punched her in the head, is she dead again? Cerberus resurrected her one more time? Because everything now reminds her the first moments in Cerberus base when she woke up after two years being a plant.

Her heart starts to run rapidly and the adrenaline helps her gain the functionality of her body. Without opening her eyes, out of dread mostly, stretches her hand to investigate her surroundings. Mmmm soft cotton under her fingertips that kind of make her relax, is a familiar sense. This is a bed, the cotton is not the first quality, so not in her cabin. Is she a prisoner? Nah, to comfortable. 

She reaches a bit further and discovers a weird warm surface. She tries to put a bit more effort and pushes the obstacle but it moves and with it the mattress stirs. It is alive. Oh no no no. What did you do again Flynn? Every time she drinks a bit more she creates a situation. That is why she prefers to drink only with friends and somewhere safe (like a prison cell), but here is Omega.

She remembers a long time ago, in her first shore leave with the Academy, she found herself in the zoo with the penguins after a wild party. Since then she can’t look a penguin in the eye or a man wearing a tuxedo. Thank God the guard pitied her after she paid all the damage (he couldn’t prove that the penguins suffered from PTSD lucky her)- he didn’t push things further. 

Another time, after the N7 graduation ceremony, she drunk with her squad and somehow decided to start a career as stripper. Or someone else convinced her. She left the bar a few credits richer but her pants and her respectability stayed on the floor. Torfan managed to erase her previous slips and she managed to hold her liquor all this years. Until last night obviously. Seeing Kaidan and worst of all listening to what he had to say led her to the present situation.

She remembers returning to the Normandy physically and emotionally a wreck. She ordered a 18h shore leave and with the excuse to buy T6- FBA couplings approached Omega with the real goal to drown all the reminders the day in a alcohol. 

Flashes of Jack dancing with an asari comes to mind and a completely wasted Zaeed who tried to approach Aria and found himself in the hands of Anto. Definitely unloving hands. The last memory she can recall is dancing alone like there is no Collectors, Reapers or security cams in the club.

Shepard takes a deep breath and gets ready to face the Council. And then the air refuses to come out of her body.

She blinks and blinks again but nothing happens. The scenery stays the same. Well done Flynn another Major screw up that is why you’ll never make it to Major because you only make Major mistakes. She wants to punch herself but if she moves the other person might move and that will be baaaad.Think , think , think. Maybe nothing happened, perhaps they drunk too much and prefered to stay in a hotel room to avoid facing the promiscuous Cheerleader.  
There is no way she got that drunk and drug her best friend in a cheap hotel room to seduce him. Because definately is her fault. Garrus even after Omega still has a stick up his ass. A smaller one but it’s still there and apparently Shepard decided last night to find it.  
She looks at him sleeping and the temptation is so strong, she almost leans closer to him. Down Shepard! Good girl, now breath...She is the Commander, she is a strategist and is time to put those skills at work. Please Goddess , spirits whatever the Elcor believe make him to have a little memory loss. Where is Harbinger when you need him? Assuming control my ass. Control that ugly firefly.

Without moving she scans the room. It is an awkward position and the headache doesn’t help. If she manages to gather her stuff and return to the Normandy she can pretend that nothing happened. There is no evidence of the opposite right?

A little bit of a problem is that probably her smell is still over him. But they danced yesterday (or they awkwardly moved their limbs in close proximity to be more accurate). Yes she remembers that.  
So, 1 minute to remove herself from the bed using one of the most stealthier techniques, 3 minutes to gather her staff and 2 minutes to run like the wind back to the Normandy. She was wearing pants, jacket, t-shirt and boots yesterday. Quickly looks around and locates everything on the floor but not her underwear. Come on Commander. You found a Prothean VI but you can’t find a piece of cloth in small room? 

Every second is essential. Double time Shepard. Like a spring she pulls herself from the bed, she decided she can live without her underwear, it’s not like Garrus will run a DNA test on it. Probably. Fuck, now she feels paranoid. She looks at him and she sees him move. His hand tries to find her?Not good, not good at all. He might open his eyes any second. Without second thought takes everything from the floor and quietly opens the door. Another idea, maybe she can hit him really hard on the head, incapacitate him and then she will have the time to clean the room find everything and return like a boss to the ship unnoticed. Nah, still too drunk for that. For the last time she looks back at Garrus who sleeps like a brick. Damn him! Why she want to crawl back and take him in her arms?

The door closes behind her quietly. The corridor is empty and half lit. She walks soundlessly to the lift and realises that she is still naked. Next time she will ask Kasumi to install a cloak to her clothes too. While waiting for the lift to some she dresses herself and prays to the God of small mistakes. Her memory is a void without a trace of last night. She has to talk to Aria about the booze she serves in Afterlife. On the other hand she is thankful for the memory loss. 

Before exiting the hotel Shepar stops at the reception. The volus watches something dubious on the screen. She puts the best Commander mask she can recall in current circumstances and looks at him.

‘You never shaw me here’  
‘ Hello earthclan, I see you now’  
She can’t decide if he is stupid or if she just look pathetic. She leans closer to him but he does no badge.  
‘ You were here last night?’  
‘ Yes earthclan, but I didn’t see you last night’  
‘ You didn’t see me or you say that because I told you?’  
‘ If I had the credits to buy a better suit I would probably see a better world and not a female in front of me who looks very similiar with another human female. I can show you the vid if you don’t believe me. Someone like you came yesterday with a Turian but I couldn't see her face because she was ahhh trying to liberate the Turian from his clothes. I had to make sure that everything is recorded in case something was illegal’

She could threaten him but better to pay him off. If her father saw her being extorted by a plastic meatball he would be soooo disappointed. 

‘ I was never here and if I ever find that my image leaks to the extranet I will make sure that the last suit you will get is a hanar condom’

‘ Happy to make business with you earthclan. What about the Turian?’

‘ I don’t care’. 

She leaves the building and without looking back she returns to her ship. The clock says that in 3 hours the shore leave ends and everybody has to be ready for their shifts and their next assignment. Tuchanka.

‘ The commanding officer is aboard, XO Lawson stands relieved’

‘Thanks EDI for the welcome, couldn't you be more discreet?’

EDI repeats the same sentence in a lower volume.

‘I think you spend too much time with Joker EDI! I am going back to my cabin , is everybody else account for?'

‘ Vaccarian and Massani are still off the ship but they have still 2h and 27 minutes to return before shore leave ends’

‘Don’t let anyone approach my cabin. Briefing starts in 2h and 30 minutes’

‘Yes commander’

Shepard removes her clothes and goes straight to the bathroom. The water runs warm on her body. She realises that she has bite marks all over her. She shadders. What did you do to me Vaccarian? She traces the evidence from last night and every mark on her skin feels her with regret and desire.

She turns the water from warm to cold and bangs her head to the wall. Like a memory button the wall pushes back with a series of images from their shore leave.

Garrus hands pushes her on the wall at the alley outside Afterlife. Vorcha squirming at the far end but they don’t care. Her legs around his waist and her hands on his fringe. Fingers explore her ass and the air from her lungs comes out faster and faster. She hugs him closer and then blank.  
She hits the wall again and comes out of the shower. Nothing happened, it’s just a dream. She takes 2 painkillers and applies medigel to the bitemarks. She is tempted to leave them but she knows that is a very bad decision.

‘EDI if I am not up in one hour and 20 minutes wake me up with any means possible’

‘Yes Commander’  
\---------------

He is thirsty like hell. His mouth feels like Palaven’s rocky mountains. Dusty and radioactive. They certainly partied hard last night. Everybody was in a foul mood and ready for a fight. Horizon bit them hard, for the first time they realised who or what they have to fight. 

Garrus lifts his upper body but a hammer falls to his head and falls back again. Obviously they enjoyed their leave to a full extent. His hand looks for his visor but only finds empty space. 

He had to be really drunk to throw it away and not secure it. His visor is more important than his rifle. He extends his hand a bit more but still not a trace. He opens his eyes in panic and realises that he is not in the Baterry. Where in the Spirits of Cipritine is he? He surveys the ochre walls and the picture of an ugly hanar looks back at him. So he is in hotel. 

With a lot of effort he gets up and the low temperature hits him hard. He looks down and obsrves his naked body. Well that could be good or could be bad.He shrugs his shoulders as a response to his own thoughts and searches for his clothes. They are scattered all around.

He doubts that he managed to create all this mess alone but he couldn't be so dumb to contact one of his Lady friends ( as Shepard puts it) in Omega , Archangel is dead and he really hopes that he didn’t resurrect him last night.

He finds his visor under the bed and next to it a pair of panties. Only humans wear panties. Look at that! He was really wasted it seems. The visor tells him that he has only 15’ to return to the ship but he chooses to shower here. He can’t go back reeking of alcohol and human.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a beta but I would love one. Constructive criticism more than welcome.

‘EDI how much time I have until the briefing?’

‘Fifteen minutes commander’

Shepard hugs the pillow and takes deep breaths. The painkillers butchered the dancing Krogans in her head and finally can assess the situation. It is simple really , one solution. She will count to three and all the events from yesterday will disappear, everything will go back to normal and happily will continue their trip to death with no further complications .  
The suicide mission keeps them busy enough, all distractions must be forgotten. 

Never ever before her personal life intervened with the professional ( well, being promoted to a terrorist thug is not the brightest point in her CV but they have good health care). 

Even when Kaidan’s perky ass was calling her name she managed to keep it under raps and god knows how bad she fought the temptation. To be honest,she corrects herself, it helped that Kaidan acted as the Real Housewife of Normandy with all the guilty trips and pity flirting but either way he could have his uses.

 

So deep breaths, clear uniform and ready for the briefing. The elevator takes ages to go to CIC or it feels like it. She can play it cool, the cool Commander Shepard, infiltrator extraordinaire , Saviour of the Citadel and seducer of bad Turians. She has to ask Joker if there is a vid about that. Well it’s now a vid in her head. If she discovers something in the future she will ask for loyalties.

 

The majority of the team is already in the Comm room. It’s a habit she inherited from Anderson and before every mission announces the shore party to the crew but gives the opportunity for discussion and alternative strategies.

Of course she has the last word and makes sure to remind that to everyone. She is the authority in the ship but those briefings help her evaluate the pros and cons of every team member and is an opportunity to observe how they evolve and work with each other.

Miranda comes closer not with an unhappy face. Does she have a happy face? Maybe she is a cyborg or she had too much Botox injections.

‘Commander’

‘Lawson’

‘ Vakarian and Massani are still unaccounted for’ 

Damn Lawson, try to be more subtle. We know you want to be daddy’s favorite girl but don’t look so happy when others fuck it up. 

‘When we’ll finish with the briefing we head to Tuchanka. We are not an Asari cruise liner seeing the Terminus delights. We function as a military vessel. Whoever is not aboard stays behind’

‘Yes Commander’

Shepard you are evil. She almost wishes they won’t catch up. Truth is, only with Garrus on her sic feels safe on mission but not so much after yesterday. She can’t work with subversions. She feels bad for Massani but he knew the rule. Don't fuck with Aria and she fears that he kind of tried to do it last night. He is a big boy. They will find him in a couple of days.

‘ As you know we are going to Tuchanka, our target is Maelon, Dr. Solus former assistant. We know that Blood Pack have captured him and we hope he is still alive. I aim to find an old friend of mine there that will help as locate him. The Krogan home world is a radioactive ruin without order . EDI forward to everyone's omni tool the information we have. Grunt I want you down with me, they might be able to help you with your ahhh current urges. Dr. Solus and Kasumi I want you both suit up and ready at 1600 Normandy time, Joker told me that ETA is 3 hours for the Krogan DMZ’ She didn't get to finish her sentence because Joker’s voice interrupted   
‘Hohoho Commander guess who found the way home, Vakarian is on his way to the Comm room he’s wearing last night's dress and he looks like a hot ass mess he’s doing the walk of shame’  
‘ He won’t get your reference Joker’

‘At least you did Commander’

Shepard hears the hiss of the door but denies to look back. Using her fierce voice

‘ You lost the briefing and you weren’t here on time. You lost the privilege of the next shore leave Vakarian. Obviously you can’t be a part of this mission .’

‘But who is going to have your six’. He looks tired and confused.

‘Someone who knows how to follow rules, everyone’s dismissed’

She runs to the elevator because Garrus is stubborn and he will definitely try to persuade her. Guilt is there because being late is kind of her fault but at the end she managed to be on time. 

‘ I didn’t ask you to follow me Garrus, I am sure you have work to do in the battery. Even better take a shower first because you smell like a distillery’

He blocks the elevator entrance with his arm. She looks at him undisturbed. 

‘Come on Shepard. I was late for ten minutes what’s the big deal’

She folds her arms and looks at his hand meaningfully, he removes it immediately but he doesn’t back away.

‘ The big deal is that we have rules and there is a reason for it. If you have a problem with the way I lead send your complaints to the Illusive Man, I am sure you will find common ground’.

His appearance immediately changes. He seems shaken, sad.  
‘What is the matter Shepard? Why are you talking like this?’

He plays with his gloves awkwardly and obviously he is still a little drunk.

‘ Look I know that you have a lot on your mind and you depend on me. I will be , always, by your side.  
By my side, and on top and below and behind. Her blood boils and she has to escape, yesterday.

‘Just forget about it. I am sorry.I will be better from now on’ he turns to leave but the small amount of decency she has left makes her touch him.

‘ Is nothing personal Garrus, you are a part of the team’ he interrupts her and with a nod steps back. Something happened now she doesn’t know what but it just feels weird.

‘ Hey Garrus care to share what happened last night?’ The voice of Joker echos through the room and everyone's eyes are on Garrus. 

‘ Yes Vakarian, who’s the lucky lady?’ adds Jack. ‘Must be something special to make you defy the boss’

If Turians could blush Shepard’s certain that Garrus would change fifty shades of blue but unfortunately she is the one that feels her temperature rise. Good thing he seems oblivious and she plans to keep it that way but she has to stop the others poking around. 

‘ Shore leave is over Jack. What happens in Omega stays in Omega. Back to your duties everybody. Keep your gossiping out of my ship’. 

‘ Someone is oversensitive today. Maybe you need your walk of shame Boss Lady. The only action you see is on the battlefield and I think technically you are virgin again. Can’t run around with you like this, is bad luck ’

Oh Jack you couldn't be more mistaken

‘Tension relief important for the mission...’

‘Thank you for your input Doctor but I am good. I will see you in two hours, I have reports to finish’ Shepard moves her hand dismissively and pushes repeatedly the elevator button. 

\-------------------------------------------------

Garrus took some strong painkillers from Dr. Chakwas. He is so glad she decided to join them. To follow Her again. After his date with the rocket he couldn’t have a Cerberus Doctor treat him. He doesn’t trust any of them.

That reminds him of two years ago. More than two years now. Another life. Another Garrus.  
He wants to work on Normandy’s defensive systems, even though is quiet in the Battery it’s still difficult to concentrate. He doesn’t have a headache anymore but last night's events interrupt all his efforts to be productive and do his part for this time adventure.

What happened to him? How much he drunk last night and worst of all, how he managed to find a willing human to sleep with him?

He is certain that he didn’t pay for the evening's shenanigans because he would choose a Turian. He doesn’t like humans. Not in this way. He even can’t remember if he liked it.

Up to some point everybody was drinking and having fun, that he can recall. Even Shepard was wasted, something that he had never seen before. He decided to stay with her or she asked him to. 

The rest of the crew started to disappear as the night progressed. A man approached her and said something really insulting because the next moment he was on the floor with a broken nose and a furious Shepard on top of him ready to break his hand. They escorted them out of the club and then what? He found company? Shepard probably returned to the ship but why he chose to stay behind?

He puts too much thought to it and it’s nothing . Next time he will be more careful and he will make sure to keep everything under control. He can’t fail her. On the other hand, he didn’t do something that awful. 

He started working again with vigor and purpose. Everything has to be in order. They will be planet side in less than two hours. If Wrex is on Tuchanka he plans to pay him a visit. He misses a friendly face. Cerberus crew are polite but not friendly. He misses the old camaraderie of SR-1. 

While working the numbers lost in memory lane Garrus ignores the red light on his visor. He ignored it when he woke up and when he came on board. He ignored it in the med bay and in the CIC, but when Joker announces that in half an hour they will be on Tuchanka his eye catches the little red dot that indicates that is recorder on his visor.

Since he can’t remember doing it he assumes that his drunken self felt that he had to keep evidence. Maybe he had great fun after all. Or quite the opposite and drunken Garrus wanted to make sure that he won’t repeat the same mistake. 

He feels anticipation and fear. What if he sees something disgraceful. He might not be able to see humans eye to eye again. Or if he discovers that he has a weird fetish or something. He ponders on it a while but curiosity takes over.

‘ EDI lock the Battery doors. If someone approaches with the intent to enter inform them that I am in the middle of important calibrations and they can’t interrupt me for any reason.’

‘Even if it’s the Commander?’  
‘Especially if is Shepard’ He stops and brushes his fringe’

‘And EDI I know Shepard talked to you about personal time, this is personal time’

‘Logging you out Officer Vakarian’

Garrus moves to his cot and lays on top of the blankets. He moves around the pillows to be more comfortable and and pushes the play button.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not really happy with this chapter. Oh well. Also I don't hate Kaidan but some of my characters do. I hope you like it. I don't have a beta but I would like the help. Thanks everyone for the kudos :-)

Tuchanka, the scrambled backyard of the galaxy, Shepard admires the view. Less than five minutes on the planet and she needs a shower. It looks as if thresher maws used the place for an orgy and everything acted as their sex toys. And then pissed on it with radioactive waste, which is kind of true.

Surprisingly it feels like home. Every soldier would admit that the scenery is the perfect battlefield. The environment begs for bloodshed and with so many ruins lying around everybody can take his pick for a cover. A military cundy shop. A perfect place for a sniper.

The Krogans look unhappy and they are definitely suspicious. If she gave a fuck she could play good Commander and make the proper introductions. But they can have some fun since they are here. The anger inside her blossoms like a vine but will erupt as a volcano . Her recent mishap acted as a catalyst and needs something to put out the fires. An anger without a face is the worst kind. Because everybody is a target.

‘ I detect hostility. Completely reasonable. Have to be careful. Prefer not to loose my other horn. Last one used inappropriately and not for scientific reasons. Better be ready Shepard. Salarians are not welcome here’

‘Don’t worry Doc. I got you covered. I will save you as a Princess’

‘ I can’t understand the comparison with human royalty. No hair, no dress, now crown, no need saving from dragons’

‘ Hey Shep I think Mordin cracked a joke’ . Kasumi shoves her with her shoulder. She is quite strong for her small physique and makes her stumble on a rock. The krogan guards laugh with her misstep and that makes her happy.

‘ Are you laughing with me soldier?’ It must seem ridiculous to the guard that the fragile human provokes him in such a way. He could use her head to mope his varen’s den. She touches her gun and raises her head to hold his stare.

The guard is a huge specimen and he doesn’t feel at all intimidated. When he came to his post in the morning he cursed his luck and his aching back. Sitting in front of a door like an asari escort is not worthy of his abilities. He didn’t leave Omega to play statue for the chief.

‘ To be laughing would admit that you are funny but you are just pathetic’ the Krogan throws his words as if spitting chewing tobacco. 

‘ My little turtle friend you just made my day’ Shepard upholsters her gun and brings it to the guard’s temple. He stumbles but he doesn’t fall. He tries to reach her and Kasumi takes position to defend her. 

‘ Stay back Kasumi don’t even move’

Shepard dances around the Krogan who managed to regain his position , he looks for his shotgun but has been removed stealthily from the human.

‘Not guns today Bubbly , move your chubby legs, dance with me, move you body in the rhythm! If you can see bellow your belly ’ 

The guard shouts and runs behind Shepard who jumps around like a dancing pyjack. 

‘ Doctor I don’t think that she has sobered up . We can return to the ship and I don’t know, come back later. Or never. I can live with that’

‘ The commander is agitated. Noticed increased pheromone levels. Probably looking for sexual partner. Peculiar choice Krogans though. Not at all compatible’ The Salarian scratches his chin and Kasumi looks at Shepard in disgust. 

‘If I was the blushing type Doc I would have turned red by now. Don’t expose my game!’ 

‘ Game? What game? Just making observations’

‘ Keep them to yourself ! Are you tired yet you mutant Michelangelo? You want me to buy you a pizza? Yield and I will spare you!’ 

‘ You are crazy human! I will catch you and make your bones toys for my varens.’ 

Shepard releases an Overload and the Krogan falls to his stomach with a smoking carapace. 

‘ You said no guns Shepard’

‘ I didn't use a gun’

She turns to face the other guard but before she opens her mouth he says.

‘ I heard you are coming Shepard’

She nods her head in approval and the three of them enter the compound. 

Back on the Normandy Garrus tries to sort out his thoughts. It feels weird. Is he a pervert now? He watched the vid approximately sixteen times, a vid that lasts approximately twenty nine seconds.

It’s nothing of importance, more an embarrassing sort of evidence in the ,most uncomfortable way. For twenty nine seconds he watches himself - less watching more listening to be precise- as he jackhammers something, someone, a person, a human female. 

His subvocals chant for release and lust vibrates from both his laringes . That is abnormal. How can enjoy that? But he can what he sees, what he listens.Both of his hands are attached to a perfectly tiny waist, soft and curvy. The smooth and flexible back moves under his ministrations with grace and strength. 

The human bellow him follows his rhythm but she doesn’t obey, she tries to conquer him. He doesn't watch a lovemaking couple but a battle for power. The vid has only two sounds. His constant pray to the Spirits(so ridiculous ). ‘Oh spirits, oh spirits’ for twenty nine seconds is tedious and not at all genuine. Horny Garrus is so monotonous. The other sound,a deep husky voice that demands to go faster . His drunk self obliges and he doesn’t fear if he breaks the human. 

It is weird seeing yourself like that but with mortification realises that the lady’s panting makes his plates shift and in twenty nine seconds is ready to run to the showers for another round. Her voice, in combination with his subvocals depict a rather luxurious intercourse.

Garrus was never a xenophile and found even asari if not repulsive at least indifferent. And everybody likes asari. He considered it bizarre when different species mixed like that . Is it prejudice? Probably yes but those twenty nine seconds is a perfect start to change his mind.

On the other hand, in a ship full of humans is always under bad influence and maybe that is the result. But, he still finds Miranda unattractive and Jack repulsive. As for the others, they just exist. 

He opens the battery doors and sees Joker at the Mess Hall. He comes down rarely and that means that he doesn’t have anything of interest to spy from his cock pit. He holds his coffee and looks at Garrus skeptical. 

‘ Hey Vakarian, you seem concerned. Are you sad cause mummy left you behind?’ He raises his brow and waits for an answer.

‘ Joker maybe you have to talk to Kelly. Comparing Shepard to your mum is unhealthy’ 

Without looking at him smirks in what he think is an adequate answer to his teasing. In truth. Indeed he is concerned that Shepard left him behind.

‘ I wouldn't mind calling her mummy you know, throwing Kelly into equation makes it even better’ he winks at him as he approaches with his own beverage.

‘ For the Spirits sake!Don’t make it worse. Now I have an image in my head’ Of a very naked Shepard and he finds it very appealing. Snap out of it Vakarian! You human loving weirdo!

Jacob joins them, he likes Jacob. Simple guy, loves guns, a soldier through and through. He has daddy issues too, a man of his own heart, if you forget the Cerberus/ we hate all the aliens thing.

‘ Hey Jacob, would you like to call Shepard your Sugar mummy? ‘

Jacob’s heart rate rises he notices. It’s an uncomfortable question after all. If he was with Wrex and Joker in SR-1 he would probably tried to escape from the airlock.

‘ I ahh, I admire the Commander. He is a remarkable woman with many achievements. ’

‘ Jacob you womanizer you!’ 

Jacob fidgets and Garrus intervenes to save the guy from the helmsman's teasing. He is an obvious and easy target. 

‘ You have a filthy mind Joker and a peculiar taste. But I think you are a coward, you bait only what you can’t have because is safe’

‘ My tastes is as humanly good as it can be. Don’t worry big guy I won’t steal your prize. You have your talons glued on her, but hey a cripple can always hope’

‘ I won’t even comment on what you are implying, as for your taste, we’ve all seen your Formax subscriptions.With great regret’

‘I’ve pointed as humanly possible. What can I say, I have a curious personality and we live in a universe full of wonders’

‘ And full of STD’s too’

‘Yes but you didn’t answer Garrus’

He turns surprised to face Jacob. Is he for real?

‘ What about me?’

‘ Do you have a curious personality?’

‘Hey I am a Turian, we don’t have personalities, we have manuals’

They all laugh and hopes that he dodged a bullet. Joker eyes him suspiciously again and for a millisecond thinks that maybe EDI spilled the beans. Can she do that? The spying, conniving Cerberus Avina. 

‘ You see, we always meet in a human ship. Someone could call that a fetish’

‘ I don’t follow you’

‘ Well, we all know that you are in love with your stick but how can I phrase it, don’t you find it a bit more acceptable after all this years that maybe, maybe you might want to try to calibrate some human ass? You always come back for more’

Fuck he knows. EDI told him! And she promised ! Never trust a talking fregate. They build them mute for a reason.

‘ Unlike you Joker I avoid experimentations. I want my calibrations to be precise and working to a maximum capacity’ 

Jacob takes a defensive position , what happened to him?

‘ You want to tell me that you have never thought to give it a try? Not even with the commander?’

‘ What about Shepard?’

‘ You spend a suspicious time together. If we didn’t know better , well you know…’

Garrus laughs but not because of the absurdity of the words but because obviously Jacob is jealous of him and he thinks about Shepard in that way. The poor fellow he doesn’t have a chance.

‘ Of course we spend time together. She is my Commanding Officer and my best buddy’

‘ Fuck buddy?’ Joker chips in.

‘ Never passed my mind, Shepard is the Commander’

Jacob seems to like his answer and relaxes but Joker is on fire today.

‘First name: Flynn. Last name:Shepard. Sex:Commander. Actually she would like that. I think I will ping her. Hey Commander you know all this years you tried to grow a dick. You finally did it ! ’

Garrus turns his terrified look at him.

‘ It’s just an expression. Unless Cerberus added a little something something in the reconstruction. Now that I think about it Kaidan would love that .Wait dreams for years for the treacherous bastard. He could become Shep’s little bitch’  
It was obvious that Joker was deeply affected from Kaidan’s behaviour and every word carried venom.

‘ Let’s change the subject. This conversation is unrespectful . For our friend not the Commander.’

‘ Ask her’

‘What now Joker? Ask her what’

‘ She did try to grow a dick. Not literally of course. She will tell you about her father, how much he pushed her to be perfect. And she was perfect. Especially in the Academy. Her father wanted a boy’

‘ That explains her name then’ Jacob adds with a mirth.

‘What about it?’

‘ We don't use it for females on Earth. Well everybody knows her as Shepard for a reason’

‘ For me all the names are the same. Can’t distinguish the difference. Being an alien and all’ 

Jacob studies him and he can see that he thinks that he is full of shit

‘ So for you the commander is just a human?’

Garrus crosses his arms and falls back to the chair.

‘ No , she is not just a human. She is a human, yes, but she is aso Shepard. A unique species by herself’

‘ Vakarian you are a poet. I will tell her that and I am sure she will bring you candies and kisses’.

Kisses, he wants kisses. Wait what?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos! I don't have a beta or a proofreader so any suggestions or advice are more than appreciated.

Shepard lays on the floor appreciating the cold feeling on her cheek. The rifle still in her hand, warm from the continuous shooting. It takes time to cool down like it’s master. The smell of burned flesh and iincendiary ammo makes her feel alive. How sick is that?

‘Come on Shep. Time to go back. I had enough of this place. It smells wrong.’

‘In a moment Kasumi. Just need to catch my breath’

‘ You will catch something alright…’ in hushed tones she adds ‘ Doc had it hard inside’

Shepard turns to face her still spread on the floor like a welcome mat.

‘Yeah , seeing your protege turn to the dark side is not a happy occurrence. We have our own Obi Wan on board now, at list he let him live’

Slowly stands upright using her gun as a cane, out of reflex she tries to dust her armor but she realises that there is no point and jumps up and down for the sake of it.

‘ Well, much ado about nothing. No one needed rescuing, on the bright side we cleaned up 2 Blood Pack Platoons and for me that’s a win win’ I will kill you, hmm maybe Jack is a Vorcha in another universe, I will kill you, I will destroy you hmmm. ‘ But we had enough for one day, time to head back. There is a bottle with my name and I plan to abuse my friendship with the chief’

‘ If you don’t mind I will return to the Normandy where I have my personal bar and quality leather furniture’. 

‘ Take Mordin with you. I don’t think he is Miss Congeniality in this planet’

‘ Are you sure you don’t want to join me? What is you problem, seriously?Cerberus forgot to replace your olfactory receptors?’

‘ I am not a delicate flower like you Kasumi. For months I was in the same room with 27 marines. My brain numbed my senses in order to survive. You forget how to smell , hear and after the fourth night even the air tastes foul’ he smirks at her memories in a very unladylike manner.

‘ I am looking at you and have doubts that our hassle will be successful’

‘ Where is your faith Kasumi? I am the queen of subterfuge and versatility!’ 

‘ Mmm kay. Last chance Shep! I know how to make cocktails!’

‘I have a wager to settle but this is a raincheck’

Kasumi looks at her and wonders how she does it. Always so strong like a statue. You can admire it but you can’t touch it. But something is wrong.

‘ Are you sure you are ok Shepard?

‘Yeah just tired. I am pretty sure I smell like death but totally worth it’

Mordin talks to himself lost in his own colorful world. His eyes rest on the Commander with a look that yells worry. From the minute they stepped in the hospital she put on the bitch mode and fought like a varren in heat. Their leader is strong but she has to allow others to help her. It's her duty to recognise that.   
They boarded the tomkah in returned to the camp.

Wrex was waiting impatiently. Having a Salarian sniffing around is bad for business even with a Shepard stamp.

‘ Did you have fun Shepard?’

‘ Lots! I reek of fun! But on the bright side we did some cleaning for you.’ She winks and points at her rifle.

‘ Always the helper ‘

‘Now is your turn to return the favor!’

‘ I don’t remember inviting you here Shepard’

‘ Well I came and you can’t avoid me. Remember, I told you about my Tank Baby. Kids now days… And Grampy old Shepard can’t deal with him’

‘ You could take him to Shaira’ He tells with a lough.

‘I thought about that but I don’t think Cerberus will fund our project. Grunt doesn’t look good in Spandex’

‘ So except from the Salarian and the tank bred Krogan what other surprises you brought?’

‘ I still have a Turian in my ship’ Keep your mouth shut Shepard.

Wrex guffawed ‘ Let me guess. He managed to sniff you out . Where do you hide him now? In your underwear? I don’t see a MAKO around.

Unfortunately that was a recurring joke ( in Wrex’s humor standards) . Relationship between Krogans and Turians aren’t very cordial and well Wrex being Wrex was always trying to get on Garrus nerves. 

‘ Jealous much?’ She pushes his shoulder in what she thinks is a cute gesture. Wrex loughs and a bit of slime escapes his nostrils.

‘We both know you can’t handle all that ‘

‘ Between you and me, Turians make awful pets. You know he keeps messing with my guns!’

‘ Aha…’ 

‘You are jealous. You are getting fatter on your throne and we get again to shoot the bad guys’

‘So where is he? Tell him to bring his scaly ass down here. We have a wagger to settle. Don’t think I have forgotten Sheppard!’

‘ Ready and steady ! Bring out the bottles’

‘Bring out your Turian first’

‘He is not my Turian!!’ Her commanding voice ripples the friendly manner.

Wrex noticed her insistence and shakes his head in mock acceptance. In an attempt to save face adds quickly.

‘ I am so looking forward to get shitfaced with you’ . Shepard didn’t lie, outside of every mission she was looking for excuses to avoid Garrus . Her battle self was missing his steady hand and the natural camaraderie between them, but on every other accept kind of wanted to get him back to Omega awful Shepard you can’t handle yourself. 

She was so and utterly ashamed. Not for the action ( he seems oblivious and that pisses her off, she is glad on one hand, yes, but come on! How she can be completely forgotten?)

The real issue here is the lies. Every time she faces him, small Garruses appear at her shoulder and whisper hypocrite, liar, traitor. She heard that Turians handle sex as a handshake but lies , no, lies from a friend, no no.

When she was guttering Vorchas she realised that on the field she is the gun. Something that didn’t got lost with her death. Everything disappears and her world is only the end of her barrel. She is the master and the pawn but without Garrus something is missing. It feels lonely. Still successful, but lonely. Mordin and Kasumi both great with their skills but they couldn’t even touch the fluidity that she and Garrus have on the field. A masterpiece.

Well compartmentalisation is one of her great fortes and she hopes that she can separate the soldier from the person. No big deal right? No crime no evidence. Only her feelings are left to remind what happened but easily she pushes them under the carpet, set it on fire and send the ashes to another galaxy.

Growing up in a ship was fun. A child needs friends and that is something that you can’t substitute with VI’s and adult crew members though. From a young age she had a responsibility to reflect her parents position and always try harder for everything. 

Her father dissatisfied with her every move, he pushed and pushed not realising that she wasn’t as brilliant as him neither as strong or competent. One thing she was perfect though was following orders to the full stop. That was her special ability, not matter what, she could have the job done.

Garrus was with them in less than 20’ minutes. The shuttle came back with him and Grunt. The young Krogan was excited for the opportunity to meet the homeworld but his excitement evaporated when he set fut on the ruins. Welcome to real life baby boy.

The booze was set on a piece of rubble. The three of them started drinking and surprisingly Garrus had his own dextro alcohol with the compliments of super Wrex. This image transferred her to SR-1. Being in a Cerberus Ship creates certain liabilities . She bathes with her underwear and before she falls asleep she makes certain to put booby traps behind the door.

‘ How are we gonna do this? Garrus will you be our referee again? Two years ago you were neutral , Turians fought both our species, but now I think that Our Lady of Rifles cleans your bum’

‘ No promises Krogan. Probably I will pass out before you two. And Wrex.. If I knew you would still have the obsession with, how you put it, my bum, I would send you a photo to look at it when you miss me’ 

‘ Wise ass! Don’t think your new scars will help you. Our women are wiser and you can’t handle that! Try something closer to your size’ He looks back at Shepard with smiling eyes (if you can tell that about a Krogan).

‘ Couldn’t stay dead for long Shepard? Back on the hunt?’

Her mug almost broke on her five finger hand even without talons or rough hide. She leans back on the makeshift chair and in an effort to sound flamboyant adopts Miranda's accent.

‘ Well I don’t know who hunts who, but you know me. I love a good challenge.’ Without realising it her eyes drift at Garrus something that Wrex doesn’t miss. 

‘ You are playing Kepesh Yakshi with Death for years Shepard. You can’t win every time’ He had emotion in his voice, maybe it was the Ryncol talking but Shepard felt lucky that he didn’t let Ash kill him. 

‘To quote my new friend’ Her eyes are trying to locate Grunt in the sea of carapaces and heavy armors. She watches as he places his bet (how the fuck found the credits? Okeer managed to create tank money too?) I am a sacker for great battles and worthy enemies.’

Garrus snorts and that makes her happy. She smiles under her hand but Wrex again, is on her.

‘ I am sure that we’ll find each other in battle again and that will be an honor.’

‘ About that’ She takes a big gulp and lowers her voice.

‘ I want you to follow me but I know you will say no. Not now but soon , I am afraid, will come the time that you won’t have that option. Not me ,not you, not even the cocksucking council and fucking Sparatus and that little weasel Udina’

‘ Someone will be ready Shepard. Don’t forget, we fought the rachni when all the other races were sucking their thumbs. Especially the Turians heh’ 

The only Turian in their company lost in his own thoughts he didn’t answer . That was curiously suspicious for someone like Garrus but Wrex didn’t want to push it. 

‘Drink up! I am already ahead of you!’

‘ You are cheating Wrex!’

‘ Typical Turian, he wakes up only to piss out the Krogan. Be a good boy and stay in your corner or I will send you with the other hatchlings for target practise. It will be fun to see you ruuuuun’

‘ I could use the practice. I was always curious if young krogans can bounce!’ 

They both laugh . Their friendship was forged through blood and pain and insults like that was part of the game.

Omega had reshaped him. The small shifts and tweaks in his personality re-positioned the views about the Commander. She wasn’t standing anymore on a pedestal nor she was a superior, but a friend. 

After two years, her flaws are visible in a peculiar way that make the human Spectre perfect, not for everyone but for him. That friendship is a gift and with a certainty he believes that the Spirits watch over him. They send her on his way. 

Also with a certainty and Turian punctuality denies to recognise the unusual tune that his subvocals play whenever she is too close too him. Probably, his xenophyliac one night stand affected him in many ways. So he blames the unknown woman for his unusual behaviour. Shepard is alive, a bit crazier but still the same.   
‘ So Shepard, Cerberus?’

‘ Keep to your drinking Wrex. That conversation is for another time’ 

Unwittingly she emptied her mug, once, twice, thrice and she would continue until she forgets the colours of the Normandy. She hates yellow.

‘ This is Ryncol, Shepard not some Asari cocktail. Take it easy’

‘ I have a secret Wrex. You might be a Krogan but I am Shepard V. 2.0. Stronger, faster and as an extra perk I metabolize alcohol quicker ‘

‘ Not that quick Shep because I am not Wrex’

‘ Maybe we should call it a day . Admit your loss and go to bed like a good little girl’

‘Hell no! Drink up Krogan . I will not yield!’

Her fist falls heavy on the table but stone is not very forgiving. The pain cleans her mind enough to feel the soreness on her fingers. 

‘ What is it with you Vakarian? Usually we have to pay someone to shut you up’ Wrex is eyeing Shepard and that minute she knows that his perceptiveness is welcome generally but not particularly. 

‘ I am here for the photo shoot. In a couple of minutes the two of you will start giggling and talk about face paint.’

‘ Nobody touches my hair!’ Shepard yells and removes the hair band that holds together the red mane. ‘ Nice, my hair is nice ...Mmmm smells good too..’

‘ You have pieces of burned Vorcha on your hair, but who am I to judge. Whatever works for you’

‘ Heh Heh’

‘ Shut up Wrex!’ 

‘ One last advice from the wise elder here. If you want to go to bed with your hero complex is fine. But you if you plan to wake up , it will make it a heck of lot of easier if you have someone to wake up next to.’

‘ Awwww Garrus was right. When you are drunk you turn to a female Krogan. And I was complaining that I’ve never met one’

‘ Laugh it up. You will remember nothing in the morning and I won!’

‘Just for the story. I fight for myself . I honour my vows even if I don’t wear Alliance colours. I gave my word to protect them’ Without a warning her head falls to the table , both Wrex and Garrus run to her side but when they hear the first snores they relax.

‘ Weak human’ 

Sometime through the night they played moving chairs because now Shepard is leaning on something warm and fuzzy. Even when she was dead she didn’t have such wonderful dreamless sleep. After months, for the first time her body is rested. No rest for the wicked?Not anymore.  
But she knows where she is and reality is harsh. She wants to stay in her fantasy world world where she can hug the person beside her without consequences. A wet path is carved from her neck to her jaw and counts the seconds as spoils of war. 

Spoils of a drunken night. The eyelashes still heavy from the liquor battle to push through the real world. As the irises adjust to the artificial light an overjoyed varren continues his exploration with his tongue.

She throws her body up to the air as a spring and curses like a batarian slave trader.

‘ Your fault Shepard. You smell like Vorcha you get all the goodies’ Garrus is leaning on the side wall and fidgets with his omnitool . For his own good ,let it be a message. How many clicks will get on the extranet Varren dry humps the first human Spectre . Khalisa Al-Jilani will kill for that.

The Krogans are busy and they are looking at her as an alien (dah!) Those noises are music to her ears , as a soldier is only natural to navigate through violence and instability as something normal.

Yesterday was… nice . Even though Mordin’s mission affected her more than she can admit. All those experiments at the hospital made her sick. How many had to suffer for her life? She knows Cerberus. How many Toomps have been tortured so she could have another attempt to kill things . Not only to fight, to fight and live. 

The snake of guilt once more strangles her heart. Damn it! She feels so lucky! It doesn't matter that they brought her back so she can die taking others with her. She breaths and laughs and drinks with her friends and if she plays her cards right the Grim Reaper might postpone his visit.

‘ Hey Vakarian can I ask you a question? He still plays with his omni tool so she throws him a pebble.

‘ Actually it’s not a question. It’s an order to answer Vakarian’

‘ What do you want Shepard? My head hurts and we have to prepare for Grunt’

‘ Are we doing the right thing?’

‘ You and the varren you mean?’

She throws a heavier pebble and Garrus curses.

‘ Shepard I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t believe in your motives. Forget about Kaidan, forget about Horizon, we have other things to worry about’

He ignores her and continues his tinkering. 

‘ Let me wake up Shepard. I am trying to find a way to ease my headache. if you don’t stop playing I will be grumpy afterwards and I won’t save your ass ’

Shepard not use to be disregarded leaves her spot and finds some Krogan soldiers and starts talking about their previous mission. On purpose looks at Garrus’s corner and laughs and makes it so obvious that all around her either think that she is crazy or that the Turian did something ridiculous.

Garrus with a nod he shows her the empty corner behind Wrex’s throne. She ignores him because his stare is intimidating. Don’t play that shit with me Vakarian, I am not one of your little toy mercs. At the end he follows him because she doesn’t want to create a scene.

‘What is the matter Vakarian’? Her back is on the wall and he is looming over her. He really tries to intimidate her? That is hilarious and her smirk is telling him so. His anger almost has a smell that affects her inappropriately. 

‘ Shepard I will tell you something for the first and last time . I pledged my life to you and not because you saved my ass but because I believe in you. I trust your judgment and I trust your command. I’ve already told you that I’ll walk to hell beside you. But, I am not Cerberus, I am not alliance, I am not even a part of the Hierarchy anymore. I am here out of my free will as a friend and a soldier, against the biggest threat of the galaxy’

‘What is with the pep talk soldier? She puts a bit of irony spice in her voice because it’s the only way she can handle their little tete a tete.

 

‘Listen to me Shepard’ His mouth almost touches her ear and his sweet breaths causes tingles on her skin.

‘ This is not a pep talk, this is a show down. I am here as Garrus , in the field I am your subordinate but not the rest of the time and not outside of the ship. I won’t have you barking me orders like I am some Cerberus lackey. I will jump through hoops for you Shepard but show some respect’

She looks up at him and she can feel that he means every word. She can play that game.

‘ My ship, my rules Vakarian. You don’t get special treatment because you played general with a bunch of mercs. You forgot the first rule of command, you earn the respect you don’t demand it’. Without looking back she shoves him and moves forward to the varren pit.

Shepard wants to headbut herself. Why did she do that? Me wants Garrus,let me use my bat and trag you to my cave. She has to tame her feelings or else she will lose her friend. The next stage is to pee on him so she can mark her area. Pathetic. She was never good on these things and it’s not even a thing. This is gonna to end bad.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the real story will start because he knows that she knows...Forgive me if I don't write the missions in the correct order and please let me know if I have any mistakes. Thank you for reading and for the kudos!

Garrus kept looking Shepard’s back. What exactly happened? It’s the first time they had a showdown like that. True, they had fought before for missions and decisions on the field but mostly it was about stress relief and decompression. That was bad, her behavior was shocking to the core . His braincells malfunctioned and his fingers start convulsing in an alarming tempo. What the fuck!

Once upon a time Garrus would probably asked for an explanation having convinced himself that he was in the wrong side of the disagreement. But Archangel can’t retreat and won’t permit that kind of treatment. He doesn’t lack empathy and it is understandable that being resurrected and thrown into a pile of shit can do things to a person but that kind of reaction is so unlike Commander Shepard. The drinking, the sassing, her reactions to him , is like someone has possessed her.

A multitude of emotions and ugly thoughts consume the Turian’s existence but paradoxically the only thing that makes him stable, still, is the vision of her at the end of his crosshairs. The red moving around Krogans like liquid fire makes everything real.

’Fuck it’

Without asking for permission he asks Joker to send the shuttle and pings Wrex with a goodbye message. Drinks on me next time. Back to the Normandy.

That will piss her off but if she chooses to act unreasonably and offend a friend out of the blue it’s her problem. The only crew member without a cerberus stamp on the ass or without psychotic tendencies and she turn it away.

Joker didn’t ask for explanations and he holds his acidic comments for a larger audience. When he read the expression on his face he added ironically.  
‘It would be a good time now to visit Chakwas’ 

His eyes under the cap telling more than his tongue and Garrus follows his advice shaking his head in a silent thank you.

Surprisingly it’s a very good idea. He feels fine, maybe a slight headache from the excessive levels of alcohol in his blood but nothing he can’t handle. But Flynn can't say anything if is a medical reason involved and Chakas is the only person on the ship that has an authority larger than the Commander. It is too obvious a lie but he doesn’t care. He can dance too.

Shepard on the other end is searching for Krogans to spar. The knowledge that she might have fucked literally the relationship with her best friend gives her a berserk streak and Krogans are easy targets. Poke someone with your finger and you have a cute little fight.

Her friendship with Garrus wasn’t an easy one, at first. It didn't start as the normal camaraderie between crewmembers and it wasn’t a natural attractions that brought close two soldiers. Both her parents were First Contact War Veterans and when she was growing up she heard only negative comments about the Turians. Even as an Alliance recruit, when she met Turians she was always careful around them because of her prejudice.

Then she met Garrus, the best sniper in her team ( better than herself but under different conditions). His humor was a welcome breeze in the seriousness of the mission always and they had so much in common that it was weird and exhilarating. He had gravity as a person and that force ground her in circumstances when everybody else on the ship was drifting apart. After Virmire, after Noveria. When everyone was drowning in misery and anger Garrus would say something, they laughed and she found the power to move on. Her ready and steady guy.

Her visits to the cargo bay became a regular thing and their chats not a part of her rounds. The fears and restrictions of interspecies awkwardness disappeared and she felt lucky for meeting a good friend a strong soldier. She thought of sending Pallin a glass of wine for throwing him in her arms. Metaphorically Shepard, only metaphorically.

In obvious guilt she starts writing an apology . I am a dumbass, blame the Ryncol. I think something hit me on the head, I think it was a planet . Wink wink.. Let’s talk after Grunt’s rite, time to kick ass. 

The Shepard’s rarely apologised and only for a good reason, another lesson from her father. Well she was a mess and she couldn't find a better reason right now.

Like a teenager she jumps from excitement when her omnitool chimed but her face changed ten different colours when she read the reply. Sorry I had to return to the ship, medical emergency. My cybernetics are acting crazy.

The little shit. Talk about insubordination! Her blood boils and she could take down Wrex and announce herself Emperor of Tuchanka.

‘Joker inform Zaeed that I want him planetside ASAP’

‘ Hey Commander I can arrange the shuttle but I think is your job to inform grumpy Grandpa. He is still in his cave and I don’t want to get to his bad side.’

‘ What is it with you guys today? Commander Shepard translates to Commanding officer of this ship. I am off one day and you started a mutiny party? Send. Him. Now. I didn’t return from the dead to babysit a bunch of teebagers. Even the cold rocks of Alchera are more organised’

‘Aye aye Commander’ 

Joker opened the loud speakers to inform the rest of the crew of what to expect and Zaeed was ready in less that ten minutes, not because he was scared of Shepard but because he likes her.

Garrus is the only one smiling after this outburst and when Chakwas noticed his unnatural mirth, she warned him that the next visit in the med bay won’t be pain free. He returned to his calibrations with no further comments and he managed to increase the guns performance another 3%. As a reward to his efforts watched once more the pornographic revelation that shattered his world.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had a quiet couple of hours even though the atmosphere on the ship was electrified. The commander’s yelling didn't help with the morale and everyone was expecting an angry Shepard and thinking how to deal with her when she comes aboard.

With cautious excitement they witness an overjoyed Commander who walks on the ship’s bridge beaming with after battle glow.

‘Bow you peasants!’ She says theatrically.

‘We just killed a Thresher Maw on foot and I have a new nickname. You can call me Battlemaster!’

‘It’s not a nickname Shepard. Treat your new title with respect.’

‘Hey Grunt I am your Battlemaster, you have to agree with me! Hey Joker can you put some music on? Something badass as we walk in the briefing room’

Zaeed is laughing and he clearly enjoys the absurdity of the moment. Miranda probably will ask more questions about Commander’s mental health but everyone is more relaxed. They killed a Thresher Maw. Fucking Vido here I come. That would be the story that tops them all.

Shepard explained the rite’s procedures and spent the rest of the time giving details on how to kill a Thresher on foot. She asked EDI to store and analyze all the information about Tuchanka and the different clans and politics. That will be helpful in the future. She haven’t looked at Garrus not for a second and that makes him angry. He was battle jealous and already regretting his childish behaviour to hide behind Chakwas.

After the debrief Shepard runs to her cabin, the Thesher’s inwards still hanging on her armor, even though is very intimidating battleside and quite appealing if you're a Krogan, as a mere human she needs a bath and a soft bed. She might convince herself that she played the good soldier today , will allow herself to spent some wonderful moments remembering without self-condemnation how it feels to have her legs around Garrus waist. 

Her reverie didn’t last for long. The Illusive man has other plans and a couple of minutes after she layed on her bed EDI informed her that she is needed in the Comm room. The Illusive dickhead with enthusiasm announces that Turians raided a Collector ship.   
Shepard admires his bluntness. Smoking like a boss and hiding behind a supergiant star gives orders to others like a kingpin from old earth’s comic books. 

She can’t deny that is an opportunity to shed some light in their current affairs and immediately gives Joler the coordinates for their next mission. She doesn't believe in luck and probably once more the mission will go sideways. ETA is four hours, enough time to get some shut eye. Brief the crew and above all, study the parameters for their new trap.

She has to be careful and organized. Garrus and Mordin will be on the ground team although she would like Miranda to come too. She doesn't trust her yet and her Electra Complex with TIM might be a problem when she will have to choose whose orders to follow.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Garrus sits on the medbay in a trance. When they boarded the ship he new that the info was too good to be true. The walked in a nightmare and their discovery proved that indeed they walk hand in hand with death. 

They managed to get out alive not without a scratch but that was the least of his worries. Since she walked in his life he gained more scars than the previous years and he served with Blackwatch! But that one, that was too much. They had to fight their way out of the ship. EDI was guiding them and blindly they follow those directions hardly looking around. The collectors attacking them in every turn and the hive like vessel started to waking up apparently to prove them that things can always get worse even if you think you are at the bottom.

They ran like hell like blind volus , frantic movements against husks and counting the ammo because those things were everywhere. Limps in pain not from bullets wounds but from the adrenaline rushing and pumping in their bloodstream like poison.   
He still has Joker’s voice in his mind. Those last seconds.The ship is waking up you have to hurry. Shepard is yelling at them and she can hardly walk but tries to run and holds herself in pain that is so present that you can name it. Her heavy breathing is on the comm and her voice adopted a primitive tone.

‘ Move! Move! Double time guys!’ Get to the shuttle ! Faster Garrus! Faster!’

He almost lost his footing. Like humans say, an image is a thousand words. In his case a word brought forward a river of blurry moments. Faster Garrus Faster. Shepard.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. RL assuming control

The collectors ship was a brutal expedition mentally and physically, Chakwas forced them to the medbay burned and bruised. The good doctor didn’t had a jab for boss betrayal though. Where is the HR when you need it?

‘Linda send me the form for back stabbing please! No? We have to print some more. Is a terrible month you know.’

Shepard refused any medical attention and demanded an one to one with the Illusive Prick, Miranda pleaded to take some time to think, it was a miracle she didn't spit in her face right then and there. You could hear Jack commenting on Cerberus and blaming Miranda for the fiasco. The heavily tattooed woman flared her biotics but the little show didn’t last long. Once more the commander pulled the crazy mask and requested silence in a low and disturbing voice. It worked.

It was truly magnificent seeing Shepard in all her furious glory as she stormed in the comm room. Beetle juice still dripping from her armor,holding her arm in pain and eyes high in anger. Her scars blazing red like a goddess of Vengeance.

While Chakwas was trying to set his bones right and whatever else was wrong under his armor, the frigate was filled with unbelievable descriptive curses. On purpose, Jocker had opened the intercom. Through metal and glass her anger vibrated and reached his carapace so thick in emotion that he could smell her pain and frustration. Betrayal. He knew well that feeling. Shepard was vocalizing every disturbing thought effectively. 

Those profanities are inspirational and as a C-Sec officer has the experience to compare . In a perturb way, it is poetic. With the universe on the brick, where monsters hide behind the darkness, listening to the husky voice of his human friend (still?) declaring that when she’ll meet their sponsor she will use his eyeballs as anal that will go so deep that he would have to spit them is a revelation. 

Of Course Cerberus would betray them it wasn’t a surprise. A knife in the back was expected but using the Collectors, the same ship that killed her in the first place is not just cruel, is torture. For them everyone is expectable garbage even their most expensive asset. They were intervals of silence but didn’t last long, the Innovating Book of Cursing gained three new volumes thanks to their commander’s imagination

 

From the window he sees her coming down and briefly passing by Gardner to take a bottle. Not looking anyone, she returned to the elevator , her hair a nest of filthy flames and her armor even worse. He can’t blame her, if he wasn’t high on painkillers he would seek another kind of analgesic too.

‘ I am afraid that working outside of Allience regulations isn’t good for our Commander’ Chackwas still working on him she whispers to his ear.

‘Oh my Doc! We should share my stick Joker will approve! That is a surprise coming from you.’ His voice was more defensive than playful.  
She looks up at him with concern in her eyes. Her mouth a thin line and the expression that reads on her face it reminds him of his mother.

‘We need boundaries Garrus to function properly, you eat too much you have a stomach ache. Strong people even more, because they push their boundaries in their struggle to find their limits. She still is over Alchera, nothing to ground her’

He doesn’t want to decipher her words, so unlike of her. She should talk to Kelly if she worries so much. Garrus is not in a better position.. He is still on that bridge with ten bodies on fire.

‘ We have you Karin,’ He replies softly (lies softly) ‘You are always looking out for us’. He stands up to end the unnecessary discussion. Even if she hasn’t finished yet , Garrus is unwilling to have a heart to heart , especially regarding Shepard.

‘ I am just a doctor Garrus’

‘ And Thanix is just a canon’

Her breath comes out tired and he knows that she tries to find the right words. Odd for their vocal doctor.

‘ I am your doctor, I am your friend but they are things that I can’t be’

No patience to search for clues he moves to the door. Like deus ex machina Miranda busts in and saves him the trouble to find an excuse.

Garrus limps to the battery with a heavy heart and heavy mind. 

‘EDI raise the temperature to 32 degrees and keep the lighting as it is. If someone approach the battery kindly send them away’

‘Both the Commander and XO Lawson can override your orders Officer Vakarian. I would not be able to stop them if they decide to use the battery. Also, in case of an emergency I have to do my outmost to evacuate safe..’

‘ Look EDI, just, I just want quiet.’ 

The AI probably doesn’t get his plea, is it (is she?) able to translate body language or put two and two together, but respects his orders. The door light turns red and the temperature rises.

He collapses on his crib and his body complains. Garrus moves from side to side but he can't find a decent position that doesn't produce vast amounts of pain. As final resort he stays with his elbows on his knees looking at the floor for answers . 

His life before Shepard was so.. orderly. Every year passed with its small nuances . Breakups, heartbreaks, the usual fights with his father, red tape and frustrations. The normality of the memories refreshes him like a light breeze. It is a fact (for him) that time accelerates when the gravity of a situation becomes stronger.

Then she met her. She came in guns blazing, breaking every stable surface in his tidy life. Like a thresher maw in the middle of the Presidium. She moved his axis dimensions away.. He could be safe , he could be with his family, maybe have a family of his own by now. A nice Turian girl, someone that his father could be proud of. Proud of him too.

In the hunt for Saren he felt Turian to the core for the first time. Every plate on his body covered in honor and pride for this achievement, ready to die for the Cause. 

Because of her. Talk about hero worship. Then she died and once more Garrus saw the inevitability of life and the reality that heroes exists only in fairy tales.

Both of them changed the last two years( two years on his diary). He is not sure if he likes her anymore. So many things are perplexing now. She came back like Carvus, the Turian hero who the Spirits returned to Palaven to save the people.They too have to save the people. His mind goes back to the ship and the horrors that revealed. The ship, the shuttle, Shepard yelling.

‘ The fuck Shepard?!’ 

He jumps from his cot and slumps to the floor. Everything comes back, her voice with an urgency to move, to the shuttle? In her? What the fuck? Is he losing his mind? With the push of a button can find out if that woman is Shepard. He can compare the voice and within seconds the truth will shatter his world, again. Does he want to do that?

If he is wrong, everything will be buried deep under with his other urges and maybe one day in the future will joke with her about it.

‘ You know Shepard , it was a time that I thought that I fucked your brains and you loooved it’

‘ Dream on Vakarian, you couldn’t keep up with me’ Shepard would reply with her usual bravado, looking sideways and smirking like a champ.

‘It wasn’t a dream but a nightmare Commander, I said you enjoyed it not me’. She then would turn to look at him folding her hands under her breasts ( he knows how they feel?) .It is bizarre how this fantasy bothers him because he sees rejection.

If it’s true, a million possibilities open up , not funny at all. Even though that scenario could explain her behaviour and her anger towards him. But if it is true, he has evidence that she enjoyed it. What does she want? Is she scared? Regretful? Has someone else on her mind and she just projects guilt? 

The painkillers don’t help. He lies on the cot and takes deep breaths. Very tired and too obsessed to make the right decision he tries to focus elsewhere with no avail. He is a practical person. As aTurian, even a bad one, knows how to suppress feelings.

Flynn is furious. Gardner’s magic brew did nothing to calm her down. She wants to throw the bottle at the aquarium but those little blue angels are not at fault. The Skald fishes oblivious of everything enjoy warm waters and tranquility. Good fish, they mind their own business being beautiful and useless. Skald fish don’t fuck anyone over . They should be head of Cerberus. 

The feeling to break every surface in her cabin rises dangerously. It would be magnificents to burn everything down and cry on a pile of debris.

Yeah good thinking Flynn, what else to prove that you are super unstable.

Where is Conrad Verner when you need him? He could give excellent pointers. Worst case scenario? Hanting the Lower Wards with her bro Conrad, looking good, frighten people.

She exhales slowly and walks around the room.   
What we know?   
That Cerberus and TIM are a conniving bunch of fucking weirdos who find pleasure only by sucking their own dick.   
What we didn’t expect?  
That they are willing to gamble the so called hope of humanity (herself truly) as a bait. She costed four billions credits for fuck’s sake. She should be in a museum!

When she realised that Jocker is broadcasting their conversation ( a toddler's tandrum) , she tried to calm herself but TIM continued justifying his actions. He is such an asshole. 

Returning to her cabin she could feel mass approval from the crew but that was wrong. Nope. They still have a mission and it is never good to destabilize the even fake line of command. She has to keep the appearances but Cerberus takes all the measures to make it hard for her. If Alliance only could listen.She would put SR 2 on fire and dance around it naked.

The bottle is almost empty but no revelations on the horizon . The Skald fish still mute.

‘You know my friends , only looks can’t take you far. We have to make a plan. I will even let you to vote’

Move forward Shepard. Assemble the team, exterminate the collectors, kick but in general.The reapers are coming.

She really likes the fish tank so decides to leave the room and find something else to break. To where though? Shepard appreciates solitude but not loneliness , over thinking is bad after that kind of day and she is left almost with no nails to chew on. What will stabilize her running mind? Something that isn’t scared of her. She places the bottle on the table and in heist takes the elevator again. 

The mess hall is quite , Chackwas retreated to the crew quarters and Gardner is nowhere to be seen . They are still early in the night cycle and she is so envius that others afford to sleep. 

The light on the battery door is red but that doesn’t stop her. She deserves (she hopes) a bit of selfishness .Since the moment her eyes opened on the Lazarus Station she fights non stop like a rabid varen. People need time to wake up after an eight hour sleep not a two year coma. 

The light turns green, maybe she found the Force after all. Usually EDI makes an announcement but she stays silent The AI seems to developed an EI.

Shepard stands sheepishly at the doorway. Deliberately she focuses at the console. A rush of guilt urges her to leave. It is not his mistake that she lost it, he fought there with her. He deserves a night’s rest. 

‘Come in Shepard’ .The voice comes from the end of the room, his subharmonics alone brings her serenity .The temperature in her body rises profoundly (bad girl) but now is not the time. She just needs her friend. Her anchor all the way through crazy and flying monsters.

Her boldness is useless, the commander has been peeled off layer by layer and the only thing left behind is a scared and confused woman. It is not the first time.   
Following Feros, she seeked him out after every mission. Just to talk or share the quiet. A relationship is genuine when the silence stops being awkward.  
.   
He doesn’t move, his hand is resting on his eyes and his carapace moves calmly. She plummets on the floor like a rug, like her feelings. She places her hand under the blanket ,gingerly and extra careful not to touch him . The importance is to share some of his warmth. It works like magic.

When the rage disappears and the brain regains full functionality ( Miss Soldier 2185) realizes how she fucked up things. Shame replaces the sadness and with a heavy sigh gets up to leave but his hand stops her midway.

‘Stay , unless your luxurious cabin spoiled you. Should I call you princess from now on?’

She guffaws due to lack of a proper retort. A pillow hits the back of her head and makes an utterly ridiculous sounds. With a finger pointing accusatory at him yells

‘ Hey!’ eloquent as always girl she thinks

‘Sleep’

So many thing she wants to say but now is not the time (again). She hugs the pillow , closes her eyes and the floor welcomes her to oblivion. .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I had a beta


End file.
